Whether it’s addressing a conflict with a friend, providing constructive feedback at work, or discussing sensitive topics with family members, difficult conversations are inevitable. Especially at work, where you must continue to work together smoothly and cooperatively, being able to have difficult conversations is an important skill. These conversations can be challenging, but with the right approach, they can lead to positive outcomes and stronger relationships. Here are some strategies to help you navigate difficult conversations effectively.
Be Prepared
A recent survey found that two-thirds of employees want to have hard conversations at work, but managers are unprepared. And it’s not just managers who find these situations uncomfortable. Whether you’re the manager or the employee, take some time to prepare before initiating the discussion. Reflect on the main points you want to address and consider the possible reactions from the other person. Also, think about what you hope to achieve by having this conversation. Taking the time to prepare can help you stay focused and calm.
Be Clear and Direct
When discussing difficult topics, it’s important to be clear and straightforward. Beating around the bush or using vague language can create more confusion and dissent. State your concerns or points concisely, focus on the facts, and use specific examples to ensure you do not become biased or bring in irrelevant issues. A more structured conversation will lead to more productive potential outcomes.
Actively Listen
According to an article in Psychology Today, states that 96 percent of people think they are good listeners. But research shows people only retain only about half of what they hear. Active listening is a key skill and critical when having a difficult conversation. Ensure that once you have been heard, you allow the other person to be heard. That means giving your colleague the freedom to speak without interruption. Show that you are listening by nodding, maintaining eye contact, and providing verbal affirmations such as “I see” or “I understand.” Wait until they have finished speaking to ask any clarifying questions or to respond to what they shared.
Don’t Get Defensive
The conversations are called difficult for a reason. You may not like or agree with what you hear. Don’t get defensive as that reaction will impede open, honest dialogue and generate animosity and misunderstanding. Instead, be open to hearing the other person’s perspective and feedback. Even if you don’t agree with everything they say, acknowledge their feelings and try to understand their point of view.
It's OK to Walk Away
In some cases, it may be necessary to set boundaries to protect your well-being. If the conversation becomes too heated or unproductive, it’s reasonable to pause and revisit the topic later. Before walking away, though, be certain it’s clear to both parties that you will regroup at a time when you’re able to be more productive. Setting boundaries can help ensure that the conversation remains respectful and constructive.
Difficult conversations are an important part of building healthy and honest relationships. By preparing in advance, being clear and direct, and actively listening you can navigate these conversations more effectively. While you won’t be able to avoid such discussions altogether, these tips will help you approach them with confidence and lead to a more productive and supportive workplace.
ON TOPIC
When issues at work bubble up, there are three typical responses: avoiding a necessary but difficult conversation, blindsiding a colleague with a difficult conversation, or starting a conversation with no clear idea of the goal. To have respectful, productive conversations — particularly when the subject is uncomfortable — it's important to prepare. Here are some questions to consider the next time you need to have a difficult conversation:
- What is the crux of the conversation?
- Why do I need to have this conversation? What are the facts?
- What assumptions do I have?
- How have I contributed to the situation?
- What outcome am I hoping for? What is the goal?
- When and where will I have this conversation?
- How might the person react? And how will I respond?
- What do I need to watch out for in myself?
- What else do I need to prepare for this conversation? Whose input do I need? Who do I need to alert?
- How would I want to be treated if someone were having this conversation with me?
- If it doesn’t work, what next?
By thinking through these questions ahead of time, you’re setting yourself up for a successful conversation. The goal is to walk away with clear action steps for moving forward.
