Increased independence comes with growing older. But don’t mistake independence with living alone on an island. There will be times when you’ll need some extra guidance and support — and that’s perfectly OK. While it’s good to try to work things out for yourself, it is important to know when to ask for help.
Dismiss the Myth
Many people find it difficult to ask for help. For some, it’s the fear that they might appear inadequate, weak, or even incompetent. Others are worried about being rejected, embarrassed, or getting their feelings hurt. And still others don’t want to interrupt or inconvenience anyone. The truth is that these concerns tend to be exaggerated in our own heads — and often just plain wrong. Generally, people are very receptive to helping. In fact, helpers often respect the asker for recognizing their limits — and they want to make a positive difference by agreeing to help.
Show Your Strength
Times of transition — like entering high school, moving away for college, or determining a career path — can be confusing and stressful. It’s during these times when questions seem to flood your mind and you may feel quite vulnerable. These trying times also present opportunities to grow and advocate for yourself. Take initiative and explore your resources. If you’re unsure where to go, speak up. Finding the courage to ask for help displays your strength and desire to move forward.
Build a Support System
As children, our initial network of support is made up primarily of family members. As you grow, your network does as well. Understanding when and how to seek out proper resources is critical in the moment, but it also helps increase your network. For example, working with a tutor can help you better understand coursework. Talking with a counselor or therapist can provide an unbiased, non-judgmental perspective. Checking in with a coach for feedback and advice to improve performance or achieve your personal goals can redirect efforts for improved results. Relationships with all these resources can be developed with ongoing communication — that means staying in touch even when issues don’t arise. It’s naïve to think you’ll never stumble, so having supports in place to catch you when you do is helpful.
Share with Others
People aren’t mind readers. They can’t be expected to know your thoughts or feelings unless you share them. Don’t be afraid to ask questions and put yourself out there so people know how to help you in the good and bad times. This will position you to solve problems sooner and enable you to grow from the experience. By proactively turning to your network, you can grow into a stronger student academically and personally. Every time you push yourself to ask a question or reach out for help, you are building your own strength to better yourself, and that determination to grow will be noticed.
Remember: people are excited to help you find your way. As you interact with the individuals in your network, you will develop relationships as well as important communication and self-advocacy skills. Asking for help is a vulnerable position to be in, yet it is one of the best ways you can grow and be successful. It is a process, so keep working at it. Soon you'll discover and develop the strength you didn’t think you had.
ON TOPIC
If you’re having trouble in any part of your life — school, athletics, extracurricular, mental or physical health — we hope you will find the courage to raise your hand and ask for help. It can be challenging to speak up, but doing so will set you back on the right path. Here are some conversation starters for different situations.
Help from teacher:
I’m struggling with _____. Can we talk about it later?
I’m working hard, but I’m still not understanding _____. Can you help me?
I’m not sure what I need. Can you please talk with me?
Can you give me advice about _____?
Help from athletic coaches:
What should I work on to make it to the next level?
Can we review my performance in the last game and talk about where/how I can improve?
What are some exercises or drills I can do to work on my [specific skill]?
How can I best prepare for the upcoming game?
What are your expectations for my role on the team?
What are some ways I can improve my mental game?
Knowing me as you do, do you think I should pursue college athletics?
Will you look over my highlight reel/ athletic resume please?
Help from parent or trusted adult:
Got a minute? I need to talk.
I've been feeling [enter emotion] a lot lately. I think I should talk to you about it.
The next time you feel stuck or need a little help, don't hesitate to start the conversation.
