Many people hate networking — myself included. I find it difficult, anxiety provoking, and stress inducing. If you’re like me, there are a hundred other things you’d rather be doing, but that doesn’t mean networking isn’t an important skill. While it may never become something you love, approaching strangers can become something you can do with relative ease. Here are a few things to remember as you learn to network like a pro.
It Doesn’t Have to Be Face to Face
When you think of networking, you probably think of a bunch of people in business clothes and name tags standing around talking to each other. But if you factor in technology, networking can be much broader than face-to-face interactions. The internet is a great way to interact with others, all from the comfort of your computer screen. You can engage with professionals through sites liked LinkedIn and Twitter, find new contacts through Facebook and Instagram, and write blog posts or articles that reach millions across the web. For many, engaging online is easier than engaging in person — it allows more time to formulate questions and responses, prevents you from feeling like you’re in the spotlight, and allows you to reach out to others without the pressure of wondering if they’ll speak with you (as opposed to walking up to them in a crowded room).
Building a connection with someone online can then create a basis for a connection in real life. When you finally do speak face to face, you’ll already have things to talk about. Starting online can give you the low-pressure atmosphere you need to really expand your network.
You’re Not Making Small Talk with Strangers
Don’t think of networking as making small talk with strangers. Instead, think of it as an opportunity to talk to someone new. This is your chance to hear someone else’s life story, pick up a tip that might make your work easier, or just learn a new fun fact. Being open to having a conversation, instead of being stressed about making small talk, will allow you to relax and engage, instead of being in your head thinking about what to say next.
Come Prepared
It may seem obvious, but one of the best things you can do is to come prepared. This means having a mental list of questions, comments, and anecdotes that show you’re interested in the other person and what they have to say, and that you want to learn more. Open-ended questions foster dialogue and can bring up information you can use to keep the conversation going. Be ready to share some of your own answers to these questions as well. You may find that you have a lot in common with the person you’re speaking to!
Set a Realistic Goal
Whether in person or online, networking may still seem daunting. Make it manageable by setting a realistic goal. For example, if you’re going to a networking event, give yourself a start and end time (I’ll get there at 5:00 and leave at 6:30) and a goal for the evening (I want to talk to at least three people I don’t know). Online, you may tell yourself you need to send messages to three people in your field on LinkedIn that week. Setting a goal allows you to control when, where, and how you network. It provides you with clear parameters for how to use your time and prevents you from feeling guilty about not doing enough. You’ll feel good about meeting your goal, and as you become more comfortable, your goals will expand.
Have a Clear Understanding of Why You’re Networking
While extroverts may enjoy networking just to socialize, more introverted individuals need a real reason for networking. Before you network, think about why you’re doing it. Is it because you’re looking for a new job, trying to learn about a new field, or creating connections in your current field? Identifying your reason for networking will help you better focus your efforts. If you’re looking for a new job, you won’t want to network with others in your company you don’t know well — you’ll want to network with people in organizations you’re interested in. You can ask them specific questions about the work culture and what the jobs you’re looking at entail. Having a specific reason for networking and questions you want answered will make it easier to focus on that one thing and make your efforts more likely to get results.
Even for those who’ve networked many times before, putting yourself out there can be nerve-wracking. Start small, give yourself clear goals, and allow yourself time to become comfortable with the idea of talking to new people as a learning opportunity. Before you know it, you’ll be networking with the best of them!
On Topic
Hehewutei “Cody” Amakali (Oglala Lakota/Santee/Italian/Scottish) is a planning advisor supporting Upstream Business Development, ExxonMobil Corporation. She serves on the AISES Corporate Advisory Council and the Winds of Change Editorial Advisory Council. She is a founding committee member of the Geological Society of America’s Petroleum Geoscience Fund for Undergraduate Field Experiences and Research (PGFUFER) and supports the AISES/ExxonMobil Geoscience Field Scholarship.
Do you have a mentor or peers you check in with regularly?
I have quite a few. It’s important to me that I stay connected with the kinds of questions being asked across my organization — the cultural pulse of how the company is evolving — and hear about the projects that are going to impact our direction in the future. Being tuned into the needs that are constantly evolving means you can be proactive, rather than reactive, as an advisor. Informal coffees, teas, lunches, and walking meetings are fantastic for staying engaged and constantly learning. With my mentors, I try to check in at least quarterly. If I receive some constructive feedback, I sit down with my mentors to strategize and find an authentic approach to integrating that feedback into my professional development plans. However, I seek out informal mentorship constantly; when I find something I don’t know how to do, I try to find someone who is an expert — or really well-versed — and I reach out (even if I don’t have a formal introduction). The worst that will happen is I get a “no, thanks” or “who are you?” The best that happens is I start building a new relationship!
Do you attend networking events specifically for your industry?
Networking events in my industry are constantly happening. I wish I had engaged in them earlier in my career as I think it would have helped me broaden my network. However, with so many events happening, I have to pick and choose where to focus my efforts. As a consequence, I participate in events that are increasing visibility of underrepresented groups and that are aimed at the future of our industry. These have the highest impact, rejuvenate — rather than drain — me, and get me connected with individuals I can build meaningful and mutually beneficial relationships with.
What advice can you give about getting out there and talking with folks?
Authenticity is key whenever you are speaking with someone. Be you. Be kind and generous of spirit. Recognize that you shouldn’t be networking to “get something out of it,” but instead you are networking because you are genuinely interested in the other person, the work they do, and their goals. This alleviates some of the social anxiety of approaching networking events or just talking to strangers. There is nothing to “get” by talking to someone. There isn’t an end game in relationships, if you’re being authentic and honest about it. I also recommend that people read (or listen to) books across wide interests, as well as listen to as many different podcasts as possible. That includes both inside and outside your industry, area of study, focus area, hobbies, and social activities. Connecting with people is about meeting with them wherever they are; sometimes having a common thread of interest helps weave the tapestry of your relationship a little tighter, which makes “networking” comfortable for everyone. And you make new friends in the process of learning something new about the world.
Did networking come easy to you or did you have to work at it?
Networking is not easy for me, although I’ve heard it doesn’t seem that way. I had to find a way to engage with people that meant I didn’t feel like I’d been inauthentic about my reason for getting to know that person. One of the ways I’ve built my network is by reaching out to people and asking for their recommendation on who to talk to about this or that problem. Then, if I do have to ask them for their help, I try to really thank them for their efforts. I send thank you notes to their superiors; I offer to support them if they have something they are working on. I try to pay it forward. That goes for mentoring as well. Right now, in networking especially, I’m really focused on creating opportunities for others to demonstrate their capabilities and trying to set people up for success. Sometimes that’s meant opening up my network to someone to help them get ahead in their field. That always feels better than just “networking.”
Do you use LinkedIn or other apps to stay connected to your professional network?
Your personal brand is really important and the association you carry with social media is a key component of your personal brand. I’m not on many social media platforms because I try to focus on engaging fully with the people I’m connected to on those platforms. Part of my personal brand is living authentically and being present. I try to meet in person or, second choice, stay connected with people via phone/email. But when I can’t do that, social media is a great way to keep in touch. I try to remember though that anything important enough — like asking a favor — deserves at least a phone call when possible.
Tells us about a time networking paid off for you.
Getting the opportunity to apply for a job at ExxonMobil was actually one of those networking-generated opportunities. I was an undergraduate, supporting my family and going to school full-time. I knew I needed to make a decision about career direction very quickly. At the time I was starting my job quest, my industry required a master’s at the minimum. So I sought opportunities through organizations like AISES, GSA (Geological Society of America), AGU (American Geophysical Union), and SEG (Society of Exploration Geophysics) to learn as much as possible about various careers in geoscience. One of my advisors on a thesis project recommended I apply to a field scholarship that was opening up to undergraduates for the first time — it was the ExxonMobil/GSA Bighorn Basin Field School. It was a field course that went over the fundamental process of new exploration target (“play”) identification from geohistory and plate tectonics to rock pore prediction. Since I knew absolutely nothing about petroleum geology or the oil and gas industry, I decided to apply. I was accepted and spent my time trying to understand everything about the industry and the thought process behind how petroleum geologists do their work. At the end of the course, I wasn’t satisfied that I actually understood the key of what ExxonMobil was trying to teach. The next year, I applied to the short course (which was a class-based version of the field school), came back with targeted questions for the instructors, and tried really hard to think about the implications of the answers they gave me. At the end of that course, I asked the lead instructor to sit down with me for coffee. I asked him what it would take for me to get into a career in oil and gas — what schools I needed to go to for my master’s, etc. He said I should just come in for an interview instead. It turned out he was the lead recruiter for the geoscience skill area. The rest is history. If I hadn’t taken the time to talk to my academic advisors about my career goals, taken the chance and done poorly (the first course) and continued to learn, or risked a bruised ego by inviting someone to mentor me on pursuing a career like his, I never would have received the opportunity to work at ExxonMobil or had the opportunity to help develop a similar scholarship program for AISES (AISES ExxonMobil Geosciences Summer Fieldwork Scholarship).
