Finding a path to compromise is half the battle
It’s 10 p.m., your group project is due by midnight, and one student in your group is balking at doing extra work to ensure your project receives a good grade. You’ve just received your first ever job offer for a position you’re really excited about, but the salary sounds low. You’re in talks to rent an apartment that looks perfect, but the landlord doesn’t seem willing to work with you on the lease terms. Do any of these situations sound familiar? Every day, we’re put in situations where we need to work with others, to give and take in a way that’s productive and positive for both parties. In short, we need to be able to negotiate.
The word “negotiate” often conjures up images of slick executives in expensive suits arguing back and forth over big contracts or a planned merger, but effective negotiating isn’t just a skill for the boardroom. It’s a life skill that everyone needs, whether you’re working with other students on a group project, trying to rent an apartment, or just figuring out where you and your buddies should grab dinner.
There are many things you can do to become a better negotiator. First, come prepared. Have you thoroughly researched the company that offered you a job and expects your answer by Friday? Prior to signing the lease on that new apartment, did you look into rents and lease terms and conditions at comparable apartments in your desired neighborhood? What about that dinner with your friends — do you know everyone’s budget? Food preferences? The situations may differ, but you need to do your homework. Know what your desired outcome is, know where the other person may be able to move, and know what the person or company has done in the past. Is the student who hasn’t turned in work for your group project notorious for not completing assignments? What’s the absolute lowest salary you’d be willing to accept? Determining this information ahead of time will make it much easier to negotiate productively.
It may feel counterintuitive, but make sure you share information. It seems smarter to keep your cards close to your vest, and in some situations, that makes sense. But when it comes to negotiating, sharing some information may make it easier for your counterpart to relate. It can also set a positive tone and help the other person to relax, making them more open to working with you.
Time your negotiations appropriately. When the paper is due at midnight and you’re trying to negotiate with your fellow student to complete his work at 10 p.m., you’re not going to get a good result. Ensure your negotiations take place with plenty of time for both parties to make changes — the earlier the better. Negotiations that happen later in the day are typically more contentious, because those involved are often burned out from the many stressors they’ve likely already faced.
Negotiations can also be affected by where they occur. Consider negotiating in a neutral location. This increases the likelihood that both parties will be comfortable, and thus more willing to negotiate in a positive manner.
Most importantly, listen. Many believe that the only way to successfully negotiate is to out-talk the other person. That approach doesn’t typically work. It’s easy to focus on what you want to say, but make sure you also listen and process what the other person is saying. They may be willing to work with you, offer a better solution than you had thought of, or provide new information that changes the course of the negotiation.
Negotiating isn’t always easy, and many people don’t ever think it’s fun, but it is necessary. From the classroom to the boardroom, being able to successfully negotiate with others will get you far. Your next negotiation might be right around the corner, so get ready!
Geri Brehm is the senior associate director of career advising and mentoring in the Career Strategy Center at the Brandeis University International Business School in Waltham, Mass. She also has a busy private practice specializing in career counseling, and has consulted for both professionals and organizations in organizational and leadership development and productivity improvement. Brehm earned her bachelor’s degree at Boston University, holds graduate degrees from Harvard and Columbia Universities, and studied at the Harvard Negotiation Institute. She has taught business courses and seminars on both the graduate and undergraduate levels and is currently an adjunct professor at Boston University. She assisted in the research and writing of the book Corporate Culture and co-edited the book Managing and Organizing for Change. Here she provides insight for students on strengthening their negotiating skills.
How would you define “negotiation”?
It’s simply dividing up the whole pie so everybody gets a piece they’re happy with. Negotiating is the process of coming to an agreement in a situation where both sides have expectations, needs, wants, and wishes, and where the outcome leaves both sides feeling satisfied and ready to move forward. It’s a win-win — not a win-lose. Remember that life is a series of negotiations, whether it’s deciding with your friends where to go for dinner or coming to a mutually acceptable salary figure with the hiring manager in your first professional job.
Should the approach to negotiating change depending on the situation?
You should adjust your approach to the seriousness — or formality — of the situation. Is it a job offer or deciding between Chinese and Mexican restaurants? But the basics don’t change. In any negotiation there are two sides, and you need to know what goals you have and what compromises you’re willing to make. Then consider what the other side is looking for and what’s important to them. One situation that would alter your approach is if you’re dealing with a bully — your best approach then is to walk away. A take-it-or-leave-it situation is not a negotiation.
What advice would you give to a first-time negotiator?
If you’re new to negotiating, practice with a friend — ideally one who has negotiated before. But also feel confident in your preparation. That is, do fundamental research and find out what the precedents have been in the type of negotiating you’ll be doing. If you’re looking at negotiating rent with a landlord, find out what similar apartments are going for in the neighborhood. Same thing with a salary negotiation — know what the going rate for the job you are applying to is so you can point to it and say, “I know the salary range is X, and I think you will be fair.” That gives you a solid starting point.
Are there common mistakes that you see students make when negotiating?
A very common mistake is negotiating out of fear, and most first-timers do this. They go into it afraid of asking for anything, like a raise or a certain salary, because they think they might lose the opportunity. Counter this tendency with practice and knowledge gleaned from researching the situation: Is it a take-it-or-leave-it, or is there room to negotiate? And what is that negotiable range? Once you’ve done the research, you’re in control of how you want to proceed, and that confidence will help overcome the fear. Another mistake is not taking time to be aware of what you really want and where you’re coming from. For many negotiators, there are also unconscious forces, like a reluctance to assume an equal footing with an authority figure. If you tend to defer automatically to authority figures, negotiation becomes harder, so be conscious of those forces and practice.
Do you have any tips for students who find it difficult to ask for what they want?
Asking for what you want is the first step to a mutually agreeable outcome. Think of this classic example of two sisters who wanted the same orange from the book Getting to Yes. Without exploring what each sister wanted, the obvious solution was to cut the orange in half. But as it turned out, one sister wanted the peel for baking and the other wanted to eat the fruit. Work on understanding yourself, be clear on what you want, then speak up — don’t lose sight of what’s important to you. Remember that a negotiation is not a win-lose. If the other side is also winning, you don’t need to feel guilty or hesitant about asking for what you want.
If a compromise just can’t be reached, what do you recommend?
In going in to any negotiation you should have attractive “walk away” alternatives in mind. If you’re applying to your dream job and you have a final-round interview, it’s wise to have another option or two so if you can’t reach agreement, you have a place to land. In any negotiation, you don’t want to feel trapped into agreeing to a bad deal.
Do you have any additional suggestions on this topic?
For readers who want to learn more, I enthusiastically recommend the very readable best seller Getting to Yes: Negotiating Agreement Without Giving In by Roger Fisher and William F. Ury. It’s a classic, based on the work of the Harvard Negotiation Project, that gives easy-to-follow, step-by-step approaches to learning this important skill.
